When I was younger, I had been very enthusiastic about getting married. I loved the idea; the idea of being committed to someone special who would always be there for you. There were broken marriages and horrible divorces and lots of horror stores, but I was going to be different.
Yes, well..it doesn’t always work out, does it? My very sweet, very attractive wife became a Housewife of Bitch County. Nothing mattered to her but spending money and whatever opinion popped into her head at any given moment. Her family was more important than me; hell, even the pets outranked me.
I filed for divorce and moved on with my life. I started dating and realized that as bad as my ex was, she was about average as far as women go these days. I started to piece together what the problem was.
“Duncan Idaho” of the Eternal Bachelor blog spelled it out pretty well, but his focus was always on the worst, most unattractive examples of women. He would rant about bar girls throwing up outside pubs before humping some loser who was barely conscious. Yeah, well, that happens everywhere.
I agreed much more with the guy who did the nomarriage blog before he went all commercial; and of course Matt Forney who did the “All The Young Dudes” post which really nails down the problems with men and women these days:
Contemporary romantic relationships are a Lovecraftian horror show. Women are getting fatter, uglier and more personally repellent, yet they still behave as if they’re virginal princesses who deserve their own Prince Charmings. Log on to OkCupid, Plenty of Fish or any other dating site and you’ll see no end of obese blubberbutts who refuse to date men who aren’t in shape, along with countless careerist types who’ve opted to be aggressively bitchy in lieu of developing actual personalities.
That was my experience exactly. I met women in the dating scene who were dead-ringers for Jabba the Hutt. Others hadn’t seen a dentist in years, or had seen more dicks than a gas station urinal. I even had one woman tell me that five girlfriends and a marriage didn’t equal any sexual experience at all. I was told to hit the bars for a few years and “get some experience.”
Well, I wasn’t in any way prepared to do battle with women who lived like bar trash but wanted a rich, fit, superman to partner up with. They were busy riding the dick carousel with countless guys and watching Sex & The City every night while I was building a life. Were we even looking for the same things?
That’s when it hit me. We aren’t looking for the same things. Men and women in the USA have very different goals and aspirations. I’m not talking about the men and women who will always be sleeping around and partying, I’m talking about most men and women here.
For the most part, men want a true romantic partner; someone to face life with and be loving and supporting. Women want to add a man to their life, like an accessory; someone to pay most or all of the bills while not expecting anything in return. Women don’t have to be a partner. They feel they are making a huge concession by simply agreeing to the marriage contract. Sex is optional, he doesn’t own my body! Support when times get rough? Forget that! He needs to “man up”. Cooperation? Only if he deserves it.
So, relationships have changed. Over time, you realize women aren’t giving up their dominance with typical American men. They are still attracted to masculinity, but once they commit to a man, they do everything in their power to undermine what makes him attractive in the first place.
This has led to three types of relationships:
1. The Temporary Traditional: I call this temporary because it rarely lasts for long. These are the romantic Romeo & Juliet relationships that can turn into semi-long term marriages. The women in these relationships generally want marriage and so hold back their feminist, entitled princess impulses long enough to ensure a good marriage or success with children. If the women change, it will cause the men to leave or become submissive and resentful.
2. The Friends-With-Benefits or Casual Boyfriend/Girlfriend Thing: This is really good. The guys love the commitment-free thing and the girls work extra hard to win over the guy so he’ll commit. Women spend months, years (even decades) trying to win over a guy like this. A guy can get many months or years of good times and hot sex from a very un-committed relationship. If you don’t live with her and don’t commit, very often, she will do everything in her power to win you over. Every relationship I’ve had that is 100% happy and satisfying has fallen into this category.
3. The Owned Guy. This is really awful. You see these guys all the time. The are married or living with a girlfriend and desperately unhappy. The women were sweet and loving to get into the relationship, then changed either quickly or over time. The guys seem defeated. They compromise on everything; have nothing in their lives and don’t dare speak out against their women because any resistance to their women’s lead will bring screaming, threats and misery. These are the men who can’t have a beer with co-workers after work. They have to hurry home and change diapers. These are the men who cannot work late; they have to get home to do chores or fix dinner, or take her out to a restaurant.
All of the relationships I’ve seen over the last 20 years fall into these categories. Tom Leykis and Tucker Max are 100% correct. The best things women offer are given away freely to guys who cruise bars and don’t care anything for women. The best sex, the most fun weekends are had with women you don’t care if you ever see again.
I know this is difficult for a lot of you to hear. All of us know some women who are absolute perfection; diamonds in a field of cow shit, and there are a few of them. I know some older women who were incredibly supportive of their husbands, and a few younger women now are very much into family and commitment. Still, they are in the minority; there just aren’t many of them. The vast numbers of women out there will get you locked into a submissive role (owned) or a temporary traditional relationship which always ends badly (divorce, bankruptcy). Why not just take the good and leave the bad for men who think they have to put up with it.
Remember, you only live once. There is no rehearsal so you can “go again”. If you spend any time at all kissing the ass of an entitled princess, you deserve the misery you are signing up for. Don’t do it. Stay single and have fun. The longer you live the single fun life, the more you’ll notice things that back up this perspective. Since I’ve been dating (since age 35 again), all of the women who are still hung up on old boyfriends had been dating players. All of the women who desperately wanted me to enter into a relationship still had very strong feelings for one or more pump ’em and dump ’em types. The players were not only winning in bed, but they were always winning the women’s hearts, even if they only had a few hours or days to close the deal.
The guy who sticks around, the old fashioned romantic nice guy type is always the loser. “Be nice” means “bend over”. As a guy, it seems counter-intuitive these days, but you always have to be in charge. You have to insist on sex when you want it. You have to push them away when they start nagging for their way, their commitment, their plans and their goals. Women are hardwired to “own” nice guys which is why it is such a horrendous crime for mothers to teach their boys to be “nice guys”. It means they won’t have any advantages in the dating world, the sexual arena and life in general. It’s a toxic byproduct of social changes including feminism, the emasculation of the churches and government-enforced social activism.
Don’t go with the crowd. Stay single. We don’t live in a traditional society with established roles, so you might as well stick up for yourself as an individual. Nobody else will.