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Don’t Get Married

I split up from my ex because she had a bad habit of wanting to fight all the time. Not “frequently”, but all the time. Once we had a fifteen hour fight about almost nothing. Every time it came close to being resolved, she’d branch out to another pointless argument that didn’t make sense. It didn’t matter; she wasn’t done fighting yet.

At about 4:15 the next day, I finally got her to agree to a temporary break in the fighting.

What was it all about? Nothing. She just wanted attention and would do anything to get it. I asked a few coworkers if they had been through the same type of drama – and all of them had experienced the same thing. It was becoming more, not less, common.

Before the modern age of bitchiness being elevated to a core value among American women, there used to be a preparation for marriage that included a clear definition of roles.

First, men are very inclined toward aggression and assertiveness. To be married and have a family, a man must keep his aggression in check. He must  be reasonable and able to listen and compromise. Since the 1970s, men have learned to do this for the most part. There are still dickhead guys who treat their women badly, but there are a lot less of those.

Second, women are inclined to hysterics and extreme emotion and have to keep that in check if they are going to live with a man or successfully raise male children. Since the 1970s and the advent of pop culture feminism, that is no longer the rule. Women are encouraged to be overly emotional, bitchy and assertive. They are men with no accountability and basically live their lives based on feelings instead of logic.

How does this work in marriage? Well, once my ex got this insane idea that I was cheating on her. It was right during sex. I was on top of her going at it and she accused me of cheating and kept asking if I was “doing” her friend. We had to stop and listen to her vent. When she realized how histrionic and stupid she was being, there was no apology. We just moved on.

I’ve heard other guys talk about their women throwing a huge fit over a misunderstanding, completely ruining someone’s birthday or special event. My own mother used to get upset while we were at a church function or shopping mall about something that popped up in her memory. Instead of addressing the issue later, she was say “Oh yes! I have a bone to pick with you!” and she’d throw a big fit as loudly as possible.

Women have given up on keeping their behavior under control. Sure, they’ll behave when you are dating, but once you are established as a couple and ready to get married, you will want to know what is coming. Again and again, I’ve had incredibly happy and satisfying relationships with hookup girls and women I didn’t live with, but once we became a couple, they cut loose.

There was a time when women knew how to behave to keep a guy. Now they can be as awful as they want to be and their men cannot call them out on it. Men cannot “husband” their women anymore. The law is on her side. She’s in control and she knows with a phone call and a false police report she can have you behind bars before you know it.

You can avoid all this by simply not living with a woman or getting married. It’s a trap. Don’t do it.

 

 

Women Never Let Go

It’s not news to discuss feminism and the hardcore liberalizing of Christianity trashing relationships. When you give young people the freedom to give all their intimacy and emotional commitments to unserious relationships, the eventual marriages don’t last very long. Men love the modern freedom to have sex with as many willing women they can find, but they absolutely hate the fact that any woman they eventually might consider marrying has had multiple if not many, many, many sex partners. Men don’t like to share, and really don’t like even thinking about their woman’s sexual history. Women are different in their thinking on this point. They feel as though sex is just “fun” and not serious until you find the guy you want to settle down with (at least long enough to have children).

The problem? Very often men and women both have trouble moving on, but women never let go of memories. They do not want you sharing memories of old girlfriends, but they will talk about their ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands and casual sex parters all day long.

My experiences were typical. One girlfriend not only told daily stories of her ex, but also welcomed his phone calls when he tried to come by for hookups. We were definitely in a committed relationship, but she was clearly not over the emotional connection she had with this guy. Every day she talked about him. They’d talk on the phone at least once a week, and freely admitted she was “hedging her bets” with this guy in case things didn’t work out with me. In the end we split up over this, the old boyfriend had married and moved on, and my girlfriend was left alone with her memories.

Another time, I really had a strong connection to a girl for about four months. Every part of the relationship was great. Great sex, great times and I never saw anything coming my way that would be problematic. After four months, she started talking about a previous boyfriend who had broken up with her, moved away and gotten married. She still loved this guy and admitted she had been emailing him at least weekly to try to arrange a time to spend together, or at least a time to meet for lunch and talk. I told her I was uncomfortable with her trying for so long to maintain contact with a guy who had clearly moved on. She didn’t listen to my concerns, but got very angry and defended her feelings for this guy. I took things down to the “friend” level and the constant chatter about the ex continued. I took a different tack this time, giving her total support for her feelings for this guy and apologized if our relationship had endangered their friendship. In the end, I moved on and as far as I know, she’s still hoping this guy will come back to her someday.

It is interesting how long women hang on to old relationships. I spoke to a divorced woman on a plane who waited five years after her divorce to date another man. She met a good guy and put him on hold for seven years before they got married. Because her first husband was abusive, she didn’t trust the second husband. He had to work through all of her mistrust and accusations. He was paying for the first husbands sins.

As you get older, you realize that with women, they never let go of the old boyfriends, hookups and ex-husbands. Those memories are much more important than the guy who is by their side right now. This is why so many men in their 30s and 40s are still just playing the hookup game. Why commit to any woman? Why get married? She’s hung up on someone from her memories. She only remembers the good, not the bad. She won’t think about the cheating, the hitting or the betrayals. All she knows is that those guys were simply the greatest. You are just the next guy in line.

I asked a short-term girlfriend about this. She explained it to me like this: women find their true love pretty early in life. By 30, they are either married to that perfect guy, or more likely, she didn’t stay with him or it didn’t work out. Anybody who comes after that once-in-a-lifetime guy is just a placeholder, just filling a seat in their life. Mr. Perfect will always be number One. Even if he was only good in a rose-colored memory, you’ll never measure up.

Dropping Out

People love and hate America for different reasons. Some feel America is imperialistic and oppressive (nonsense) and others feel America is too much into consumerism and self-centeredness (correct). America was the greatest nation on Earth, but has fallen into narcissism, moral exhibitionism (disguised as squishy liberalism) and fads.

That’s right; fads.

Haven’t made your first million by age 30? You’re a loser who is experiencing “Failure to Launch”.

Haven’t had sex with dozens or hundreds of people? You are a prude with backward values and self-hatred.

Have had children? You idiot breeder! Your carbon footprint is going to destroy the planet.

America’s disease is a forced social conformity. Everyone thinks the same, acts the same, adopts the same sets of interests, watches the same films, reads the same books, keeps up with more trends in cooking, technology, spirituality, etc. etc.

Yes, and it is all wrapped up nicely in a book that Oprah insists you should read. If you don’t, you are a racist, or stupid or childish, or patriarchal or evil or whatever is the cool, hip, trendy whatever for the day.

Combine this new public ethos with a tough job market, more and more government and less opportunity, and you have huge numbers of young people who simply want to walk away from it all. People dream of going on the road to survive and have a little fun or adventure in their lives. Others want to leave modern society and live in a shack out in the wilderness.

Well, there is a marketing angle for that too!

Now, we ALL know that dropping out means being Walt Whitman for a few years. You get a hut, do some hunting, take a crap in a compost toilet, then come back to society “better for the experience” and have a Sam Adams with your friends. Nobody wants to live in the woods unless it’s an all-out, made-for-Hollywood experience and you can get a book deal out of it. Read: this experience is for people like Whitman; trust fund trash who have their laundry sent out and their meals delivered. Leaves of grass…yeah, whatever.

If you can get past all this nonsense, you’ll realize that the people dropping out aren’t going anywhere. They are simply finding alternative means to survive. If you can’t eat, you have to sell something, or steal something, or provide some type of service – even if you find it detestable. Of course, those young people who don’t have the intestinal fortitude to engage in something immoral or illegal simply move back home with their parents and earn $300 a week until they reach a level of despair that requires drastic action or divine luck.

When you have a society that embraces only extreme success or hard-left government, there isn’t much left for ordinary people who just want to earn a paycheck and survive. We become a third world nation with extreme poverty for most people, happiness for government workers, and riches for the heads of government and industry. Dropping out means giving up on a system that is not only hurting you, but designed to hurt you, hold you back, thwart your efforts and keep you down. A nation of conformist losers at poverty level, fixated on celebrities and tattling on their neighbors for small offenses is a nation easy to control. If you drop out of that, you are making your own way, but also you become an enemy of the state. You become something society doesn’t want, because you aren’t “just like everyone else” and the State doesn’t want that.

Be careful with your choices. Don’t tell anyone what your private thoughts are. Be yourself, be silent, create your reality. Be in the system but not part of it. There are very happy ways to drop out without losing all the good on the way.

Becoming an Eternal Bachelor

When I was younger, I had been very enthusiastic about getting married. I loved the idea; the idea of being committed to someone special who would always be there for you. There were broken marriages and horrible divorces and lots of horror stores, but I was going to be different.
Yes, well..it doesn’t always work out, does it? My very sweet, very attractive wife became a Housewife of Bitch County. Nothing mattered to her but spending money and whatever opinion popped into her head at any given moment. Her family was more important than me; hell, even the pets outranked me.

I filed for divorce and moved on with my life. I started dating and realized that as bad as my ex was, she was about average as far as women go these days. I started to piece together what the problem was.

“Duncan Idaho” of the Eternal Bachelor blog spelled it out pretty well, but his focus was always on the worst, most unattractive examples of women. He would rant about bar girls throwing up outside pubs before humping some loser who was barely conscious. Yeah, well, that happens everywhere.

I agreed much more with the guy who did the nomarriage blog before he went all commercial; and of course Matt Forney who did the “All The Young Dudes” post which really nails down the problems with men and women these days:

Contemporary romantic relationships are a Lovecraftian horror show. Women are getting fatter, uglier and more personally repellent, yet they still behave as if they’re virginal princesses who deserve their own Prince Charmings. Log on to OkCupid, Plenty of Fish or any other dating site and you’ll see no end of obese blubberbutts who refuse to date men who aren’t in shape, along with countless careerist types who’ve opted to be aggressively bitchy in lieu of developing actual personalities.

That was my experience exactly. I met women in the dating scene who were dead-ringers for Jabba the Hutt. Others hadn’t seen a dentist in years, or had seen more dicks than a gas station urinal. I even had one woman tell me that five girlfriends and a marriage didn’t equal any sexual experience at all. I was told to hit the bars for a few years and “get some experience.”

Well, I wasn’t in any way prepared to do battle with women who lived like bar trash but wanted a rich, fit, superman to partner up with. They were busy riding the dick carousel with countless guys and watching Sex & The City every night while I was building a life. Were we even looking for the same things?

That’s when it hit me. We aren’t looking for the same things. Men and women in the USA have very different goals and aspirations. I’m not talking about the men and women who will always be sleeping around and partying, I’m talking about most men and women here.

For the most part, men want a true romantic partner; someone to face life with and be loving and supporting. Women want to add a man to their life, like an accessory; someone to pay most or all of the bills while not expecting anything in return. Women don’t have to be a partner. They feel they are making a huge concession by simply agreeing to the marriage contract. Sex is optional, he doesn’t own my body! Support when times get rough? Forget that! He needs to “man up”. Cooperation? Only if he deserves it.

So, relationships have changed. Over time, you realize women aren’t giving up their dominance with typical American men. They are still attracted to masculinity, but once they commit to a man, they do everything in their power to undermine what makes him attractive in the first place.

This has led to three types of relationships:

1. The Temporary Traditional: I call this temporary because it rarely lasts for long. These are the romantic Romeo & Juliet relationships that can turn into semi-long term marriages. The women in these relationships generally want marriage and so hold back their feminist, entitled princess impulses long enough to ensure a good marriage or success with children. If the women change, it will cause the men to leave or become submissive and resentful.

2. The Friends-With-Benefits or Casual Boyfriend/Girlfriend Thing: This is really good. The guys love the commitment-free thing and the girls work extra hard to win over the guy so he’ll commit. Women spend months, years (even decades) trying to win over a guy like this. A guy can get many months or years of good times and hot sex from a very un-committed relationship. If you don’t live with her and don’t commit, very often, she will do everything in her power to win you over. Every relationship I’ve had that is 100% happy and satisfying has fallen into this category.

3. The Owned Guy. This is really awful. You see these guys all the time. The are married or living with a girlfriend and desperately unhappy. The women were sweet and loving to get into the relationship, then changed either quickly or over time. The guys seem defeated. They compromise on everything; have nothing in their lives and don’t dare speak out against their women because any resistance to their women’s lead will bring screaming, threats and misery. These are the men who can’t have a beer with co-workers after work. They have to hurry home and change diapers. These are the men who cannot work late; they have to get home to do chores or fix dinner, or take her out to a restaurant.

All of the relationships I’ve seen over the last 20 years fall into these categories. Tom Leykis and Tucker Max are 100% correct. The best things women offer are given away freely to guys who cruise bars and don’t care anything for women. The best sex, the most fun weekends are had with women you don’t care if you ever see again.

I know this is difficult for a lot of you to hear. All of us know some women who are absolute perfection; diamonds in a field of cow shit, and there are a few of them. I know some older women who were incredibly supportive of their husbands, and a few younger women now are very much into family and commitment. Still, they are in the minority; there just aren’t many of them. The vast numbers of women out there will get you locked into a submissive role (owned) or a temporary traditional relationship which always ends badly (divorce, bankruptcy). Why not just take the good and leave the bad for men who think they have to put up with it.

Remember, you only live once. There is no rehearsal so you can “go again”. If you spend any time at all kissing the ass of an entitled princess, you deserve the misery you are signing up for. Don’t do it. Stay single and have fun. The longer you live the single fun life, the more you’ll notice things that back up this perspective. Since I’ve been dating (since age 35 again), all of the women who are still hung up on old boyfriends had been dating players. All of the women who desperately wanted me to enter into a relationship still had very strong feelings for one or more pump ’em and dump ’em types. The players were not only winning in bed, but they were always winning the women’s hearts, even if they only had a few hours or days to close the deal.

The guy who sticks around, the old fashioned romantic nice guy type is always the loser. “Be nice” means “bend over”. As a guy, it seems counter-intuitive these days, but you always have to be in charge. You have to insist on sex when you want it. You have to push them away when they start nagging for their way, their commitment, their plans and their goals. Women are hardwired to “own” nice guys which is why it is such a horrendous crime for mothers to teach their boys to be “nice guys”. It means they won’t have any advantages in the dating world, the sexual arena and life in general. It’s a toxic byproduct of social changes including feminism, the emasculation of the churches and government-enforced social activism.

Don’t go with the crowd. Stay single. We don’t live in a traditional society with established roles, so you might as well stick up for yourself as an individual. Nobody else will.